things I have to do by next tuesday
Did I do something? Have I changed so much since I met you? Have I become an annoying prick? That’s probably it, right? I feel it, I feel like I am.
I’ve gotten so comfortable with all my friends here, I guess, that I’ve felt that I can just be whatever and they’ll understand or forgive me…
I guess my “true self” is just ugly, huh. I’m not really nice like I think I am, I’m not really as humble as I think.
To be honest, I don’t even understand why I’m getting so annoyed by this? I guess it’s most likely because I like attention. Well, I know that I don’t give a fuck about what strangers and random people think about me, but the people I consider to be my friend… Being ignored just really fucking hurts.
…It’s still probably my fault in the end. I don’t take care of my relationships enough, I guess. I guess.
Thinking back on when I was younger… I was a really gross kid.
My mom is right, everything I say is an excuse. Everything is just a fucking excuse. I use blame her telling me to make her sister a card to not do anything else, I use my “good” grades as an excuse to be lazy, I use my lack of a license as an excuse to not get a job.
My mom is right, I am lazy and can’t do anything. I don’t even know why I’m breathing right now, I have no excuse to. I’m a failure in all that’s expected of me. I’m a waste of space, money, of time, of energy. I’m a fucking failure so I can’t use my excuse to help support my family to go on, that’s a joke of an excuse. Everyone would probably miss me for a second, but think of all the money you’d save guys!! No more wasting on my Korean pop obsession, for my ridiculous taste in clothes, for whatever the hell I ask for because apparently it’s too much.
There’s really nothing bad if they lost me, and that fact is sad but true. I’m going nowhere in life, so it’s alright. My life is just pointless.
As much as a delusional fangirl I am, I have never believed that “oppa with fall in love with me.” Or even think twice about me.
I can’t imagine being Woohyun’s girlfriend or whatever. I just can’t see it, as much as I’d like to.
Instead I see other people (((coughnoonefromtumblrrlycough))) because they seem to “love” him more than I do, and they’d look better with him in my opinion…
Fucking sucks that I can’t even fathom the thought of being with someone you really admire.
I probably shouldn’t have said yes…
I’m feeling really bad about it now.
I try to be the type of person I want to meet but then it just turns awkward because the type of person I want to meet is just not me… And then I question myself because what type of person am I?
so yea I ended up having to go to the farm place where the haunted hayride was via my mom. we got lost, tried to go down a muddy off road trail bc it had a huge ass sign that said freaking casola farms haunted hayride but it wasn’t the place and our van actually got stuck in the mud there. but literally five minutes later, three other cars drove up the muddy trail and ended up being the honors cohort and they pushed our van out of the road @ - @ twas a miracle that they went up that road. but yea I hopped into one of their cars and we got lost for an hr before losing the third car ((pretty sure they were all baked r somethin)) and then we found the farm. the hayride was funnnn and the sky was fuckin gorg that night and it totally looked like that one part in fable 3 where you’re all drugged up n shit and there’s fog surrounding u and whatnot, but i didn’t get scared at all lol. there were zombie ppl an a chainsaw guy and other creepy ppl who climbed up onto the hayride but I pretty much was just laughing da whole time. they tried to surround me and stare at me but I just stared bak and stifled a laugh uhu… but it was kool, ate celery and cookies at harrisson’s house afterward. The end
